Raising Self-Aware Teens in a Digital Age

A Bookish Protocol & Obstacle Course to Smartphone Access

The Smartphone Dilemma

It all started with a nagging feeling, a parental anxiety that tightened its grip every time the topic of smartphones for our teenagers arose. Why was I so hesitant? Was it simply a generational aversion to new technology, or was there something deeper at play? As I delved into my own relationship with my phone, the answers began to surface. It wasn't the device itself, but rather the habits it fostered – the mindless scrolling, the attention-grabbing notifications, the subtle erosion of presence and genuine connection.

Observing my own less-than-ideal phone habits, I couldn't help but worry about the impact on our kids. Their eagerness for a smartphone, fueled by the relentless tide of social norms and the allure of social media, only amplified my concerns. Jonathan Haidt's warnings prior about the detrimental effects of social media on young people echoed in my mind, and I noticed subtle attentional and empathetic deficits in others, behaviours I feared our children might inadvertently absorb and emulate.

Are You Struggling With Your Own Screen Time?

I felt an urgent need to intervene, to introduce a "positive disruption" that would equip our teenagers with the tools to navigate the digital world with awareness and intention. This wasn't about denying them technology; it was about fostering the development of mature, self-aware individuals who could harness technology for good, rather than becoming slaves to its seductive pull. And so, an experiment was born – a book-based challenge designed to cultivate self-knowledge and ethical decision-making before handing over the keys to the digital kingdom to the most vulnerable and impressionable.

A young King Arthur seeking his next challenge.

The "Knowing Thyself" Curriculum

The premise was simple: responsible smartphone use requires self-awareness and engagement with the Platonic project of Knowing Thyself. To wield any powerful tool ethically, we must first understand our own motivations, vulnerabilities, and values. This realization led me down a rabbit hole of research, drawing inspiration from years of listening to science-based podcasts and immersing myself in thought-provoking books and audiobooks.

The reading list began to take shape organically, inspired by The Long Now’s Manual for Civilization Project (a library of essential books for human knowledge and thriving), as well as Roman Krznaric’s Good Ancestor / Time Rebel Resources (links to organizations and resources working on long term regenerative projects).

As I delved deeper, distinct categories emerged, each representing a crucial element of self-understanding. These categories not only provided structure but also fueled further exploration, leading me to discover gems like "Stolen Focus" by Johann Hari and "Man’s Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl. Goodreads recommendations and trusted sources helped refine the list even further, ensuring a balance between scientific rigour and engaging narratives.

The final product was a curated collection of books intended to spark curiosity, challenge assumptions, and ultimately, guide our teenagers on a journey of self-discovery. Our teens were asked to read a minimum of 8 books within the “mandatory” categories and then to supplement their reading with an additional 10 books based on their personal interests. Aiming for complementary comprehensiveness, our kids were tasked with reading a minimum of

• 2x books on The Human Body

• 3x books on The Mind, Learning and Habits

• 2x books on Technology

• 1x book on Ethics and Morality

You can access the list of books we used here. Yes, teenagers can read these, if sufficiently motivated. You are certainly welcome to modify the list to fit your family dynamics!

The Protocol and its Evolution

To ensure active engagement with the material, I developed a "protocol" – a set of questions for our teenagers to answer after completing each book. These questions prompted them to reflect on the relevance of the book to responsible smartphone use, identify key takeaways, and consider how the insights might translate into real-world behavior.

For each book you select as part of your challenge, you will consider and opine on the relevance of the book to your future responsible smartphone use. Upon communicating your understanding of the book by answering the following questions, we will check the book off the list and add the completion date. We suggest keeping an analog or digital journal so that you can capture your thoughts and share them more easily at the appropriate time.

1. What in this book is most relevant to my responsible, ethical and moral smartphone use?

2. What have I learned?

3. What did I find interesting?

4. Is there anything I’d like to learn more about?

5. What behaviour might I change based on what I’ve read? What behaviour should stay the same?

The resulting essays we read were a wonderful way of getting to know our blossoming young adults. They were a source of genuine parental pride for us, and effort-earned respect for them.

While the sheer volume of reading might seem daunting, especially for teenagers navigating the tumultuous waters of adolescence, the challenge was presented as an invitation to explore, question, and ultimately, shape their own understanding of the world. Open dialogue and collaboration were encouraged, and while parental authority played a role in setting expectations and boundaries, the emphasis was on fostering a sense of ownership and agency.

The journey, however, was not without its detours. Recognizing the need for flexibility and responsiveness, we adapted the protocol along the way. During the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, we swapped out some books for alternative learning experiences like the School of Humanity's online summer program. We also used more engaging media such as The Good Place, a philosophical sitcom that sparked lively family discussions about ethics and morality. To this day, we continue a cherished family ritual of watching shows together in the evening when our homework is done and we’re ready to wind down (Arcane, LOTR and The Witcher have been recent indulgences). This provides us with another shared space for reflection and connection amidst the challenges of life.

Persephone emerging from the depths.

Outcomes and Reflections

At the completion of the challenge, we marked the event with an official certificate and covenant that we signed together. The covenant is meant as an ongoing reminder of what is at stake when we adopt and use technology.

I hereby pledge that:

• I understand that like all tools we wield, a smartphone can be harmful to the owner/user and those interacting with the owner/user.

• I understand that to wield a tool well, I need to learn about the tool, as well as myself as a tool wielder.

• I understand that many apps on smartphones (and the smartphone itself) are inherently and purposefully designed to distract and addict you to distraction.

• Having learned what I need to know and understand, I commit to using the smartphone in a way that poses the least harm to myself, my family, friends and strangers.

• I understand that others may use tools, ignoring the moral and ethical ramifications of their use. Poor use by others will not be a reason to engage in my own poor use and behaviour.

Once the covenant was signed, a SIM card, mobile plan, and device were ceremoniously provided. Much rejoicing followed.

Certification of completion and future-minded pledge.

As of this week, I'm thrilled to report that both of our teenagers have successfully completed their bookish obstacle course. The journey wasn't always smooth; there were moments of resistance, groans of "Do I really have to read another book?", and the occasional negotiation for alternative assignments (often initiated by me). But through it all, we witnessed a gradual shift – a growing awareness of their own internal landscape, a more nuanced understanding of the digital world, and a burgeoning sense of responsibility for their actions.

While it's impossible to quantify the impact of this experiment definitively, I'm confident that our teenagers are better equipped than most to navigate the complexities of the digital age. They've grappled with ethical dilemmas, explored the psychology of persuasion, and developed a critical lens through which to view technology. Perhaps most importantly, they've embarked on a lifelong journey of self-discovery through engagement with obstacles, armed with the tools to make conscious, informed choices about their relationship with technology.

A Call to Conscious Technology Use

This experiment was born out of a desire to empower our teenagers to become conscious users of technology, rather than passive consumers. By grounding their smartphone journey in self-reflection and ethical exploration, I hoped to instill a sense of agency and responsibility that would extend far beyond the digital realm.

As our world becomes increasingly intertwined with technology, the need for self-awareness and ethical decision-making has never been greater. This book-based challenge is just one example of how we can foster these qualities in young people, equipping them with the tools to navigate the complexities of the digital age with wisdom and intention.

I invite you to join me in this call for conscious technology use. Let us encourage our children, and ourselves, to engage with technology critically, to question its influence, and to harness its power for good. By cultivating self-awareness and embracing ethical principles, we can create a digital future that is humane, empowering and enriching for all.